Worth the Wait!

Happy Friday! Stumbled across this video this morning and had to share. I truly appreciate the talents of others and those who have the gift of poetry. Enjoy this video...it's that PEACE! ;-)

Ask a Black Man: Episode 4 - Marriage

I came across this video today during my daily perusing of YouTube content and found it intriguing enough to share. I truly believe that gaining perspective is imperative to fruitful experiences and interactions with people in general, but most importantly when it comes to our male counterparts. I found this video very interesting and believe that it gives some great insight in regards to how men may agree on certain things and even differ based on beliefs/upbringing when it comes to marriage. As always it is my hope that it helps to bring forth insight into an area we as women really are not familiar with. And hopefully for males that watch it to reflect and see where they stand on the topics addressed. Enjoy!

Is it Time to Find a New Leaf?!

Many of us want more out of our lives, yet we hardly do what is required to get it. We want more, but we continue on in the patterns and habits that have only gotten us as far as what we currently have. T.D. Jakes once said in one of his sermons, "If you always do what you've always done, then you will be what you've always been." I found this to be so profound as we seldom think in this way. Asking the question, "how can we want something different in our lives if we continue to do what has only gotten us what we have?" We just end up in the same place...still needing and wanting more out of life because nothing we do has changed. The process is still the same, yet we want different results. We want more and more...we can see it conceptually, yet due to our myopic way of thinking we fall short of attaining it. We fall into becoming one trick ponies, the worm who only eats off of one type of leaf, that person who only reads one type/genre of a book...only to wonder why we reap the same outcomes. One thing that i've learned is this; if we want different result in our lives, then we have to change up the process. Wanting more in life means moving into uncharted territory...moving away from what feels comfortable. It means that what may have worked to get you to a certain point will not work when moving into what is unfamiliar. We have to in a way reinvent ourselves being open to learning new ways and tactics than our own. Being open to a new way of thinking or gaining perspectives from others who have found success in what is new for us. We become utterly myopic when we think that just because we've been doing something one way for years that it means it's what works or what is right. We have to broaden our way of thinking and humble ourselves to know that sometimes what we do or have done just is not working and something has to change. Furthermore, what we have to remember is this; a good teacher only becomes a great one when they always remain the student. It is my hope that someone is sparked by this post and will REALLY be honest with themselves understanding that at some point we all in some form have thought or think this way. If you find your current situation or circumstance to be unsatisfying do something about it. Make some changes and do something different. It's time out for being that person who only does what they have always done....change it up...you never know what new things you'll open yourself up to.

Something to Ponder...

The Movement!

I came across this music video over the weekend and thought that I would share. This is a unique collaboration; enjoy! :-)

Being Open : )

If you haven't heard of this talented Christian rap artist, then consider yourself informed. I was recently introduced to his music after attending a Christian rap concert here in Chicago a couple weeks ago where Flame, Thi'sl and V. Rose performed. I must say that I found it hard initially to get into Christian rap, yet after being exposed to this music i'm hooked. This man is talented! I bought his most recent project called the "6th" and I am feeling it from start to finish. I love music that actually has something to say and his music does just that. Check out the video above; it will definitely give you a new perspective on Christian rap. Because of my willingness to be open I have found a new way to get a message and still bump my rap at the same time! This is our generation; enjoy!

P.S. the other day I was bumping this in my car and the man in the car next to me asked me who I was listening to. I told him, "Flame, he's a christian rap artist!" He went on to say that he was feeling what he heard and was going to check him out. Be open! ;-)

Intimacy Without Vulnerability?

A couple days ago I was watching Oprah's Life Class with Iyanla Vanzant. The topic of the show dealt with fatherless men and how it affects the relationships they have with others and their own children. Now, that topic in itself is a whole different topic and not what I will be touching on today. Yet, there was something that was stated to one of the men that really resonated with me that I had to speak on it. Iyanla was talking to one of the men about his lack of being able to connect with his daughter after being out of her life for so long. What she said was (and i'm paraphrasing of course), "There can be no intimacy where there is no vulnerability." This is very powerful and something that most people lack in understanding. Most people view intimacy on a very surface level and view it simply based on the physical level. Yet, intimacy goes beyond that and really has more to do with getting to a deeper level of knowing someone. Knowing the deep desires, hopes, dreams, concerns, etc of the people in your life. This is something I strive for and work to have within my close relationships. A quote taken from a book i'm currently reading states that, "Intimacy comes from "knowing" the other person at a deep level. If there are barriers to honesty, knowing is ruled out and the false takes over." Connection is loss or not there to begin with when someone fears being vulnerable; when they feel that they cannot be themselves or express their feelings without judgment/ridicule. The ability to be vulnerable comes when there is room and freedom to do so with the people or person in your life. This is something that I work to give the people in my life; the freedom and space to be vulnerable...to be themselves completely without judgment. This ability to give room for others to be vulnerable comes from me being vulnerable myself; taking the time to grow, reflect and to be honest with myself in where I am. I've come to notice that a lot of people feel as though they give this to the people in their life, when in reality they lack the ability to be honest with themselves. I mean how can others be vulnerable with you when your barely honest with yourself? Intimacy starts with us knowing ourselves...sense of self FIRST and this is something that many of us feel we have, but in reality lack. Many of us view ourselves and who we are on a very surface level and through life experiences and/or challenges we have created our own barriers and stop being vulnerable ourselves. We live in falsehood and it takes over and consumes the relationships we have. We then are intimate with the people in our life on a surface level never really being able to connect...never really knowing them on a deep level. A barrier is created and no one is being honest with themselves or each other. This is what I work hard to avoid...to avoid having surface level relationships. In my mission to maturation I work hard at knowing myself on a deep level so that it shows through to the people in my life and they are given the ability feel safe to be themselves and vulnerable. Knowing yourself on a deep level means that you are constantly in a place of self inventory; checking your emotions and tapping into your own desires, hopes, dreams, concerns, etc. The key thing we must all understand is this; for there to be growth in any relationship it is imperative that both parties feel comfortable sharing with each other their deepest feelings, needs, hurts, desires, failures, or whatever else is in their soul. This is true intimacy and again can only exist when there is room given for this to happen; when others feel safe to do so. To have true intimacy we must be vulnerable; it is my hope that this will encourage someone to reflect and examine where they are currently in having true intimacy in their relationships. Can you say that you are providing a safe place for the people in your life to be vulnerable with you?

Something to ponder...

Lady Victory!

I came across this video a week ago and have been meaning to share it; it really touched me. In a mission to maturation it is important that we are constantly in a place of reflecting, forgiveness and healing. Though this was not my fate; there a many women in our lives that have been victims of this type of abuse and it's important to encourage them to face it and forgive those who hurt them. The greatest gift we can give ourselves is forgiveness. It frees us from the bondage of those who caused the hurt and allows us to make a choice. Many of these types of stories go untold and it is my hope that in watching this video it will encourage the women who have experienced this type of hurt to tell their stories and give themselves the gift of forgiving those who hurt them. As I look forward to being a mother one day I take heed and understand that it will be my duty to listen and pay attention to my children. Be concerned about who they are around and work to protect them with all my being. This is very real and something that happens to children everyday. If you know someone who has been a victim of child abuse share this video with them. And if you have been a victim yourself, be encouraged and know that through forgiveness you can take a step in the direction of healing!

Stay on your mission to maturation! : )

Awesome Video!

Happy Tuesday! Thought I would share this awesome video of Joe from ChaseGodtv on YouTube. I love to see those who can openly share their talents. Enjoy the video, stay encouraged and on your mission to maturation! :-)

Ahh The Scorned Female...

Today's post was sparked after reading a blog post on Hello Beautiful about a college female who took to FaceBook to air her business about her man cheating on her and how low down he is. What I cannot seem to understand is what about this course of action benefits her? How and in what way is this justifiable? I mean if this man wanted any ounce of justification for his actions she definitely gave it to him after posting what she did on FaceBook. You can check out her post below:

Scorned Dartmouth Student Pens Crazy Breakup Letter On Facebook Cites the Bible

Ladies, WE HAVE TO DO BETTER! This is another example of wasted energy and only served to make the writer look foolish and scorned. All throughout her "letter" she reiterated all the things that he did that makes him low down, etc, yet, she still continued to be with him through it all. Interestingly, whatever drove her to this point of writing this on FB was only in the making...I mean we ALL as women  have seen the RED FLAGS yet continued to remain in denial and then turn around and want to call men low down, etc. Now, I am not  by any means condoning any of what he did...yet as women we have to take more responsibility for what we can control in each situation and that is US. She had control over seeing these things early on and making the choice to leave then. As women we need to reflect on ourselves and start to realize that there are things within us (insecurities) that attract certain men; the types that are able to read these insecurities. We attract them through the things we choose not to deal with...those things within us that say, "hey, even if you dog me out i'm not going anywhere because there is something in me that tells me that I cannot leave."

My brother sent me the quote above awhile ago and I have to agree that it is so true..."It is a man's job to respect a woman, but it's a woman's job to give him something to respect." This is something that is HUGE and is definitely missed in our generation of women. A lot of women walk around in delusion thinking that respect is owed to them and not earned. In general, we all have to possess things that people can respect, yet as women we also need to display those things to earn a man's respect. Nothing in what she posted was that of a woman that should be respected and could be in direct correlation to why things happened the way they did. The people in our lives reflect back to us who we are mentally and emotionally at different points and based on all the things she stated in her post...what happened is only a reflection of where her mind is currently in this stage of her life. EVEN so, her current mind state was definitely shown in her profane rant followed by a thrown-in Bible verse at the end, but I digress. As a woman who myself has not always made the best choices or used tact in every situation it is my hope that other women who read this will start to reflect and get beyond this petty way of responding to hurt. It serves no constructive purpose and only does more damage to the person who is hurt that the person(s) who caused the hurt. We have to find more productive ways of coping with being hurt (other than projecting this hurt on FB/social media outlets) and spend more of that energy reflecting on what is inside of us that condoned it in the first place. I mean think about it...why are you wasting energy on someone who probably is not even thinking about you? Something to ponder...

Manology?!

Recently I finished reading Manology written by Tyrese Gibson and Reverend Run. It was a quick and a simple read, which allowed me to finish it pretty quickly. Overall I thought that the book was a good read and would have to say that all women should read it. As I mentioned in a different post, I believe that gaining the perspective of males is key and very valuable to women when it comes to relationships and working to understand men. In this book I felt they did a great job in explaining their perspectives of which are that of two males in two different places in their lives. Tyrese gave the perspective of a male who is currently in a committed relationship, but was not always a fan of commitment. Rev gave a perspective of a male who is married and has his own family and shared the ways he works to remain successful in his position as husband/father. I really liked that aspect of the book and I felt that all women can relate in some way. Any woman reading this book can see themselves in it no matter where they find themselves circumstantially. They were very raw in their advice and perspectives (especially Tyrese) which is also a key component of the book. I truly believe that books that remain transparent are easier to connect with and people can truly see themselves in the experiences of the writers. If you were thinking about purchasing this book and reading it, I would recommend that you go out and buy it. This book is definitely a must read!

Quality Friendships!

As I get older I find myself reflecting more and more...thinking about my daily interactions with the people around me and in my life. One thing that I reflect on the most would have to be my relationships with others and the friendships i've been able to cultivate so far. I reflect often on the role i've either played in the end of some or the longevity of others. It's interesting how we view some friendships and/or relationships...for the most part being hopeful and thinking that they will last forever. I remember senior year in high school and all the people I had sign my yearbook...from time to time I go back and read some of the entries and think back to how at that time we thought we would always be close friends sharing life's journey together. Only to realize how far from the truth we were in thinking this and how i've outgrown many of the friends i've had over the years.  How many of us have lacked the effort needed to sustain the friendships that were worth holding onto? How many of us hold onto friendships past their intended seasons?

I often wonder about the friendships that i've allowed to wane and dissipate. I reflect and wonder if did my part in trying to sustain it or did I let some of them go prematurely not seeing my own lack of effort. Something I say all the time is that everything in this life takes work...at least anything that is worth keeping. A long lasting and healthy friendship takes WORK and in most cases will take more work on your end at different points. It takes being consistent and showing the other person that which you want from them. Something that many of us fail to realize is that most people can only give to you what they have been taught to give when it comes to friendships. One thing that i've learned from the success I have in my close friendships/relationships is that it's up to us to be that which we want out of a particular friendship. So if you want a friend or a person in your life that you can depend on...you have to be dependable yourself. If you want someone that you can trust, then you have to be trustworthy yourself. If you want someone who you can lean on when things get hard, then you have to be just that in the times that you may not want to or need to lean on them yourself. If you want someone in your life that will always be honest with you, then you have to be honest with them (even when it seems difficult to do so). Truly, the best friends you will have are those who will tell you the truth no matter what. Furthermore, It's about being consistent...even in the times you don't feel like it. It's about being selfless in the times that you want to be selfish and think of your own needs. I constantly work to be the friend that I want from others in my life and I have seen the fruit from it. But, what about the ones we've given our all too and they still come to an end or don't work out? What are you left to do and think then? We take the lessons from those friendships that have ended and use what we've learned to be better in the ones that we find to be successful. We take those ended friendships for what they brought us in that period of our life and move forward. Too many times we hold onto friendships/people that have run their course...the ones that served their purpose in our lives for where we were mentally and emotionally at that time. Some friends and/or people we truly outgrow and there is nothing wrong with that....it's a part of life. We just need to examine and know when to let certain friends go. It does not mean we don't care about them and want to see them do well; it just means that our seasons have changed. We have to realize that in holding onto these friendships past their intended time only stunts growth for both parties. And, if you truly care about their well being you wouldn't want that for them.

I know that I mainly discussed friendships in today's post, yet it is my hope that this helps everyone to reflect on their relationships as well. Are you providing to your friendships/relationships what you want to see from those individuals? Have you shown them what you expect in a friend through your actions and not just your words? In our effort to be better people and friends we must be in a constant place of reflecting and striving to do that which we say we want from others. As I end my post for today i'll leave you with this quote: "As you grow, the number of friends doesn't matter. What matters is the number of TRUE friends you have." - Unknown

29 Ways To Stay Creative

Desire Meets Preparation...

Most of the thoughts that I have are triggered by the things that I read on a daily basis. I was lead to write about this topic today after reading a post on a blog that I used to read regularly. I feel that gaining perspective is a key component of life and one that is seldom sought after and one of the reason I love to read and solicit the thoughts of others. In general I feel that seeking the perspectives of others helps us to better understand oneself and the world we live in. And more importantly, as a woman, gaining the perspective of men is highly imperative I believe to the improvement of interpersonal relationships and the interactions between men and women. The post below intrigued me and gave me some insight as to how some men may think when it comes to marriage and how they view this change in life. The view his post in its entirety check it out here:

The part that intrigued me the most from this post was his mention of preparation and how fundamental it is to marriage. Marriage is not to be taken lightly; it’s a huge step that two people take in sharing and building a life together. I feel that one of the reasons that the divorce rate is still so high is due to the fact that people take the understanding of marriage and what it takes to sustain a healthy one TOO lightly. It takes WORK and it is something that a lot of people claim to want and feel that they are ready for, yet have done nothing to prepare. In his post he mentioned something that is important to note and is something that seems to be a huge misconception when it comes to age and “when” to marry.

“From my boys who are getting married, I am learning that it takes much more than a feeling. It takes bold action, huge sacrifice, and making galant efforts to get everything together.

From my dad, I learned a similar thing during a conversation we had a couple years ago. He was, I believe 27, when he asked my mom to marry him. My mom already had me, and yet my dad still got down on his knee, while at the same time adopting me as his son. My mom and he also had my sister, a short time later. He did these things before he was 30, and I remember asking him two years ago, “Why did you do that when you were still so young?””

When it comes to marriage there is this so called unwritten rule about age and “when” we’re supposed to be married. Yet, I feel that age really doesn’t determine when someone should get married. Now, do I feel that teenagers are in the best mature state of mind to make a commitment such as marriage? No, yet I feel that maturity does not see age and  can be seen in anyone and at any age. What I learned from this post though, is that some may men feel that getting married before 30 is too young of an age and usually feel that they are not “ready” to make that type of commitment. In the post, his dad responded to his question saying that he had his stuff together and because of that he was ready to take on that responsibility. This brought to me to wonder when is anyone really “ready” for marriage? From reading this post, it seems as though for men, they feel that they are "more" ready for marriage when things are together financially. Yet, does that really make someone ready? Time and chance happen to everyone and what took years to attain can be gone in an instant. So, I question is that really a way to determine one’s readiness for marriage. Yes, it’s great to feel that you’re stable in life before taking on the responsibility of having a wife and family, yet seeking to have stability in a life that comes with many unknown obstacles could be lifelong journey. And isn’t marriage about building a life with each other…one that comes with a journey of ups and downs as you both work towards the things you desire?

I feel as though it has more to do with where someone is mentally and that which they want for their life. Making the decision to marry comes with a desire first to be married and have family and once the desire is there it should be followed with preparation and work. Many of us want and desire to be married, yet we fail to prepare. We fall short in working towards “getting” our stuff together…the actions do not align with the desire. You want to be married, but your credit is in bad shape. You want to be married, but you lack discipline in your finances and can barely take care of yourself because of this. What we desire can only manifest through our preparation and work towards it. This is the same for any desire that we may have. Currently, I desire to have a successful career in modeling and to make my own stamp in that industry. It would be foolish of me to sit around and think that it will come to fruition without working hard and perfecting my skills. So, I work on my walk, picture taking and am currently expanding my portfolio. Not only do I work on those things, but I talk with other models that I come into contact with. I watch and study other successful models to get an understanding of has worked for them and to see how a model carries herself. All these things carry over into whatever it is that you desire. Now, modeling is just one desire of mine…I also desire to be married and a wife one day. And with that being a desire of mine I have begun to prepare myself so that when it comes to fruition I am better prepared. Right now I am working to improve my credit score to bring it even higher than it is right now. I am constantly working on ways to improve my knowledge of and relationship with money so that I can be better when it comes to managing it. I am also improving on my cooking skills and learning how to make new dishes. I also observe and talk with people who are married and have found themselves successful/have longevity. And most certainly one of the most important of them all….at least I think so….I am constantly working on my body/health and creating great habits now so that I can keep it right and tight.

The main thing we have to understand is that just because we desire to have something does not necessarily mean that we are READY to have it. It takes work, effort and preparation. A quote that I love states that, “success comes when opportunity meets preparation.” So, if you desire to be married one day whether you are male or female ask yourself, have you really prepared yourself to have that which you want? Something to ponder. :-)

Delete Facebook?!

Many of us fail to realize the negatives of social networking. Through these sites people feel that they are able to really connect with others and on greater levels. Yet, are we really connecting anymore? Are the lives that we share on Facebook, Twitter and Instagram real depictions of what is going on? The people who friend or follow us, do they really want to know what is going on in our lives because they care? It is definitely something to think about and why I myself am no longer involved in social media. I hope you will watch the video and begin to examine your interactions with others on these sites...are your real life relationships and friendships suffering because of how impersonal our society has become through social media? Something to ponder...

Get It The Natural Way!

So…I’ve been pondering something for a while now and I’m hoping that in sharing my thoughts on this subject it can shed some light as to what is happening when it comes to this issue. I have SO many thoughts when it comes to this issue that I hope that I am able to convey them all and in a way that will provoke thought and discussions. Over these past few years body modification or desire to enhance one’s features has become very popular and highly sought after. Now, this has been taking place for years in the white affluent community where plastic surgery has been very prevalent and a huge industry. Yet, in the black community the “thick” phenomenon and the gross desire to fit this mold has taken over and is getting out of hand. What sparked these thoughts were the numerous photos that I’ve either viewed online or have received via text of black women and even some black men 0_o who have altered their body to appear “thick.” It’s very sad that black women feel that in order to fit this mold that they need to surgically alter their body, yet the fact that black men are also going to these lengths are unfathomable and is a different converstaion on its own!

To get to the root, I believe It stems from what is portrayed in the media, a lack of esteem in oneself and seeing the beauty in how they were created. There are so many black women in the media who have also bought into this “thick” craze. I mean, look at Nicki Minaj who has drastically altered her appearance to fit this particular mold. We can all see the extreme contrast of what she looked like prior to becoming a mainstream artist and being in the lime light. Because of this, many black women perceive this as the only way to be desired/get the attention of men and go to drastic measures to have bodies like the women they see on TV and magazines. To most black women being “thick” has become the stamp of approval, but really it has adverse effects. Now, I’m not saying that having curves is a bad thing; it really does suit some women when natural…that’s not the argument. Yet, what does the notion that you’re only a “grade A” female, will only be desired by men if you possess these features or where this is the “standard” of black beauty say to younger black women who are growing up and wanting to emulate what they see older women doing? What does this tell them when it comes to how they will view themselves and their body? There are things we have all at some point wanted to change about ourselves physically, but what concerns me are the lengths and the means to which someone will go in order to attain what they “think” is how they want to look. I also wonder, in making these change will they ever feel satisfied? How will they be able to properly esteem the young girls who watch them? Or even worse…when this ideal of being a “thick” black women gets old and what is considered to be “grade A” changes…as it will; then what?

Check Out This Before and After!

 I’ve been slim my whole life and have desired curves, yet there is nothing that would bring me to the point of altering my body unnaturally to achieve that. What happened to achieving your desired body through simply taking CARE of it, eating properly and exercising? To achieve the things I want to see in my own body I work at them. Key word…WORK and I have seen the fruit of that work gradually over time. We live in such a microwave society that it has come to the point where no one has the time or patience to allow things to happen…we have to have things now and if not, we will find a way to get it and quick. Yet,  many of us rarely remember that what has not been truly worked for comes with its own pitfalls over time. With anything in this life…we can attain most things, yet being able to keep or maintain them is another story.  I’ve read a couple articles of women who have died over this gross desire to have a large butt, small waist and a “cute” shape and that is what disturbs me the most when it comes to this crave for curves. I mean the fact that women can become so desperate for this change that they will seek out black market injections and will entrust their life and health with NO qualms is very scary. To entrust your life to someone who “claims” to be surgeons is outrageous! These predators cut open women and/or inject them with tire sealant and forms of cement in the attempt to give these results. Deception can present itself based on something we claim to need...people who seek to get over on others do not care about the livelihood of others...

Again, this comes down to being whole and having a sense of self and who you are. Knowing that you are beautiful the way you were created and that others will see the beauty in that. There is beauty is all of us and it saddens me to think that women feel that they have to go to great lengths in order to feel/know that they already possess this. It does not mean you should not desire to enhance or improve what you’ve been given if that will add to your happiness…it means that if you’re like me and was not born with a body that is naturally curvy, then you enhance and accentuate what you do have in a natural way. And it most certainly should not be something a women does solely for the attention of men. Yes, women who succumb to the pressures of societal views on beauty and choose to alter their bodies receive a lot of attention from men. Yet, it’s all surface and usually lacks longevity. A lot of people, women specifically fail to work with what they already have which preserves what makes them unique. Nothing takes away more from your own personal identity than conforming to societal trends and views…what sets you a part and makes you different from other women? You have now put yourself in a box with all the other women who also fit this mold. As women, we need to see ourselves for the beautiful women we are. As I mature and embrace womanhood I’ve learned to accept how I was created. Maturation means to grow, to ripe, being brought to maturity and that’s exactly what I’m working towards. It is my hope that other women will read this and will also embrace this. We must always keep in mind that society will always go with what’s “hot,” you don’t have to fall for that…have your own standard of beauty and cultivate what makes you sexy!

It doesn't take all of that other stuff ladies! ;-)

What's In The Water?! 0_o

On my mission to be greater I believe that it's important to not only talk about how we can be better in communication, relationships and how we think, but also with what we put in our bodies. This past weekend I purchased a water filter. Now this is a long time coming, yet it was something that I was easily forced to do after watching a couple documentaries on water and what is actually being put into it. The picture above is what I took of the water that comes out of my tap. To the left, you'll see the the water straight from my tap. To the right, is the water from my tap after it's been filtered. I have no problem drinking tap water and have for a while, yet seeing how cloudy it is in comparison to the filtered water is pretty disturbing. Not only does it look better, it taste A LOT better as well.

Knowledge is everything and though we cannot avoid every harmful thing we can more conscious of what we are putting into our bodies and limit how much of these toxins we ingest. If your curious about what is going on with the water check out the documentary for The Great Culling. I inserted the link for the first 35 minutes of the full documentary below. Now, some people may be saying that they're just going to switch to drinking bottled water...well...that's not entirely safe either. My hope is that we all should want to be informed that way we can have a choice when it comes to quality of life.

Is It Really Worth It?

I never really understood the concept of fighting over someone. Notice, that I did not say fight "for," yet fighting over. There is a huge difference and I feel that a lot people, women specifically lack understanding of this. I've heard so many stories of women (specifically) getting into physical altercations with other women over "their" man. Personally, I never really could bring myself to attack another female over a man...who was supposed to be loyal to me. I mean, how silly does it sound to fight another person...who shouldn't even be a factor over someone who is proving to lack loyalty to you? To me, it sounds really silly and something that really is not worth it at the end of the day. My question for women who have found themselves in this position is, what does this even prove?

What many women fail to realize is that getting into a physical altercation with another woman over a man proves nothing; absolutely nothing at all. If anything it negatively reflects on you and makes you appear to be weak, foolish and lacking in self-control. What that behavior does is give the other parties in the situation justification for why it took place to begin with. It's also a reflection of your insecurities and would only further this lack of loyalty on behalf of this "man." What would seem more important to me would be speaking directly to the man who brought another female into the equation. Spending time figuring out whether he is worth fighting "for" or if the relationship is worth salvaging versus going after another woman. Why waste time speaking to someone who shouldn't even matter? It seems like a no brainer to me. As people and as women we have to do better and make better decisions. We cannot give others a reason to justify mistreating us. We also need to behave in a way that is deserving of being treated in the best way possible. Women who find themselves constantly in this position need to analyze why this is constantly taking place and get to root. They need to examine what they may be giving off (insecurity wise) that is attracting men who lack loyalty in this way. Any man that is worth fighting for is one that you will NOT have to fight someone else over! Instead fight for his heart and his mind...the two hardest things to obtain from a man. Women, don't waste time and energy on that which will only deplete your self worth. Be all that you wish to receive from someone else and if they are not able to give it back to you...no hard feelings...kindly show them the exit.

Get Your Own Life First then SHARE it!

This topic is something that I've had countless conversations about and have found that a lot of people have an issue with getting to know oneself and being "alone." For most people the idea of being single comes with a negative stigma or connotation. More often than not, people feel that they HAVE to be in a relationship with someone and feel "depressed" when this is not the case. This way of thinking is dangerous and usually poses to be un-fulfilling either way because the individual has not gotten to the root of why they feel this way and usually feels unfulfilled in either situation. Individuals who feel that their life is "better" when they are with someone usually end up losing themselves in their relationship and lack a sense of identity. Now, I'm not saying that it's wrong to desire to be in a relationship because as humans it's in our nature to want to be around others and share life experiences with them. Yet, if your whole world revolves around being with another person or this "need" to have someone and even at the sake of your own identity, then what you're seeking will NEVER be fulfilled.

The real root of why an individual would feel this way is never addressed when they go from relationship to relationship. It's as if they go from one relationship to the other seeking fulfillment from someone who cannot give that them that and this is one of the biggest misconceptions when it comes to relationships. And, what we must understand is that true fulfillment comes from you being whole within yourself; NO one can make you whole. I repeat, NO one can make you whole!

The quote is so true and on point..."if you aren't happy being single, then you will never be happy in a relationship;"  It just will not happen. Being single allows time for self reflection, a building of self awareness and the ability to do things that you may not be able to do when you share time with someone else. In this time you are able to develop your own identity one which others will want to gravitate to and most of all develop an understanding of what you truly want. I've seen many people lose themselves in relationships...you know, people who get into relationships and you never hear from them until things fall a part. Or people who are attached at the hip with their significant other and you never see them alone. Or even people who have completely suppressed their own dreams or desires because it wasn't what the other person thought they should be wanting. This is not healthy and usually ends where one or both parties are no longer self sufficient and lack their own sense of self.

For me, I've never viewed singleness as something negative or something to be depressed about. I have and always strive to surround myself with positive people who I can enjoy life with; so it was never something I felt was a "deficiency". I am big on self-reflection and understanding oneself so I've always tried to understand how I can be better based on what was given back to me from the people in my life. The key thing is, YOUR own personal identity and who you are should be what attracts someone or others to you. If you're happy with yourself and when there is no one else around, then adding someone to what you already possess should be a plus. We should have our own lives in which others or someone would want to be a part of. If you struggle with this it is my hope that you will begin to focus on your own identity and self awareness. That you will get to the root of why you feel that you need someone to complete you. Ultimately, get your OWN life first then share it! I know it's sounds easier said than done, but really it's not. You have to make up in your mind that if you truly want fulfilling relationships, then you will have to be whole within yourself and make the right steps to attaining that. Take the time to know YOU...and watch the things you desire fall into place.

Is Silence Really Golden?

We've all heard the phrase that "silence is golden" and many of us have used it without truly knowing the meaning behind the phrase or it's origin. I was lead to look up the meaning of the phrase and found that "silence is golden" is a proverbial saying, often used in circumstances where it is thought that saying nothing is preferable to speaking. What this is saying is that in some instances it is better to say nothing than to say anything at all. But, is this really beneficial? Is silence really golden or can it cause more harm?

Have you ever noticed that silence can be so loud at times? How deafening our thoughts can become when we choose to be silent and decide not to speak? While choosing not to speak and even ignoring someone can speak volumes, it may not be the best way to communicate. Proper delivery of words can bring clarity, whereas silence can prolong confusion. Now, I'm not referring to arguments or disagreements when I pose the question, "Is silence really golden" because truth be told sometimes in a disagreement it is better to say nothing, especially in the heat of the moment. What I'm referring to are those thoughts that stem from ambiguity; the thoughts that plague and overwhelm us when things aren't very clear. In those instances silence can do more harm than good. Not only can this be dangerous in a relationship, but also in friendships and really any encounter with another person. As I mature and reflect on the many interactions i've had with others i've come to realize that choosing to be silent is not always beneficial and really is not golden. Silence when appropriate can be a great thing, yet when things aren't clear or we need a better understanding of a situation we must speak up and get answers needed. If we could all get to a place where we can decipher when certain ways of communicating are appropriate, then our interactions and relationships with others can be much more fruitful.

I hope that this stimulates some thought on how you communicate and how you can improve when it comes to knowing when to be silent and when to speak up.

What's Your Love Language?

A couple weeks ago I came across a post on one of my favorite blogs regarding the book called The 5 Love Languages by Dr. Gary Chapman. As someone who studied different types of communication (interpersonal being my favorite) I feel that understanding and being able to read the people in your life is imperative for having lasting and meaningful relationships. This is something that is important to me and something that I reflect on daily. Your love language transcends an intimate relationship...it's about what others do in your life that makes you feel most loved. In order for you to even begin to understand the love language of others you have to first understand what makes you feel loved. I took the time to complete the assessment and learned that my love language is quality time. For me, I feel most loved when I am giving and receiving undivided attention. You can find out your love language by completing the assessment here => http://www.5lovelanguages.com/.

Here is an overview of the book The 5 Love Languages:

Are you and your spouse speaking the same language? While love is a many splendored thing, it is sometimes a very confusing thing, too. And as people come in all varieties, shapes, and sizes, so do their choices of personal expressions of love. But more often than not, the giver and the receiver express love in two different ways. This can lead to misunderstanding, quarrels, and even divorce.

Quality time, words of affirmation, gifts, acts of service, and physical touch are the five basic love languages. Dr. Gary Chapman identifies these and guides couples towards a better understanding of their unique languages of love. Learn to speak and understand your mate’s love language, and in no time you will be able to effectively love and truly feel loved in return. Skillful communication is within your grasp! -Gary Chapman

The 5 Love Languages:

1. Words of Affirmation: This language uses words to affirm other people.

2. Acts of Service: For these people actions speak louder than words.

3. Receiving Gifts: For some people, what makes them feel most loved is to receive a gift.

4. Quality Time: This language is all about giving the other person your undivided attention.

5. Physical Touch: To this person, nothing speaks more deeply than appropriate touch.