Most of the thoughts that I have are triggered by the things that I read on a daily basis. I was lead to write about this topic today after reading a post on a blog that I used to read regularly. I feel that gaining perspective is a key component of life and one that is seldom sought after and one of the reason I love to read and solicit the thoughts of others. In general I feel that seeking the perspectives of others helps us to better understand oneself and the world we live in. And more importantly, as a woman, gaining the perspective of men is highly imperative I believe to the improvement of interpersonal relationships and the interactions between men and women. The post below intrigued me and gave me some insight as to how some men may think when it comes to marriage and how they view this change in life. The view his post in its entirety check it out here:
The part that intrigued me the most from this post was his mention of preparation and how fundamental it is to marriage. Marriage is not to be taken lightly; it’s a huge step that two people take in sharing and building a life together. I feel that one of the reasons that the divorce rate is still so high is due to the fact that people take the understanding of marriage and what it takes to sustain a healthy one TOO lightly. It takes WORK and it is something that a lot of people claim to want and feel that they are ready for, yet have done nothing to prepare. In his post he mentioned something that is important to note and is something that seems to be a huge misconception when it comes to age and “when” to marry.
“From my boys who are getting married, I am learning that it takes much more than a feeling. It takes bold action, huge sacrifice, and making galant efforts to get everything together.
From my dad, I learned a similar thing during a conversation we had a couple years ago. He was, I believe 27, when he asked my mom to marry him. My mom already had me, and yet my dad still got down on his knee, while at the same time adopting me as his son. My mom and he also had my sister, a short time later. He did these things before he was 30, and I remember asking him two years ago, “Why did you do that when you were still so young?””
When it comes to marriage there is this so called unwritten rule about age and “when” we’re supposed to be married. Yet, I feel that age really doesn’t determine when someone should get married. Now, do I feel that teenagers are in the best mature state of mind to make a commitment such as marriage? No, yet I feel that maturity does not see age and can be seen in anyone and at any age. What I learned from this post though, is that some may men feel that getting married before 30 is too young of an age and usually feel that they are not “ready” to make that type of commitment. In the post, his dad responded to his question saying that he had his stuff together and because of that he was ready to take on that responsibility. This brought to me to wonder when is anyone really “ready” for marriage? From reading this post, it seems as though for men, they feel that they are "more" ready for marriage when things are together financially. Yet, does that really make someone ready? Time and chance happen to everyone and what took years to attain can be gone in an instant. So, I question is that really a way to determine one’s readiness for marriage. Yes, it’s great to feel that you’re stable in life before taking on the responsibility of having a wife and family, yet seeking to have stability in a life that comes with many unknown obstacles could be lifelong journey. And isn’t marriage about building a life with each other…one that comes with a journey of ups and downs as you both work towards the things you desire?
I feel as though it has more to do with where someone is mentally and that which they want for their life. Making the decision to marry comes with a desire first to be married and have family and once the desire is there it should be followed with preparation and work. Many of us want and desire to be married, yet we fail to prepare. We fall short in working towards “getting” our stuff together…the actions do not align with the desire. You want to be married, but your credit is in bad shape. You want to be married, but you lack discipline in your finances and can barely take care of yourself because of this. What we desire can only manifest through our preparation and work towards it. This is the same for any desire that we may have. Currently, I desire to have a successful career in modeling and to make my own stamp in that industry. It would be foolish of me to sit around and think that it will come to fruition without working hard and perfecting my skills. So, I work on my walk, picture taking and am currently expanding my portfolio. Not only do I work on those things, but I talk with other models that I come into contact with. I watch and study other successful models to get an understanding of has worked for them and to see how a model carries herself. All these things carry over into whatever it is that you desire. Now, modeling is just one desire of mine…I also desire to be married and a wife one day. And with that being a desire of mine I have begun to prepare myself so that when it comes to fruition I am better prepared. Right now I am working to improve my credit score to bring it even higher than it is right now. I am constantly working on ways to improve my knowledge of and relationship with money so that I can be better when it comes to managing it. I am also improving on my cooking skills and learning how to make new dishes. I also observe and talk with people who are married and have found themselves successful/have longevity. And most certainly one of the most important of them all….at least I think so….I am constantly working on my body/health and creating great habits now so that I can keep it right and tight.
The main thing we have to understand is that just because we desire to have something does not necessarily mean that we are READY to have it. It takes work, effort and preparation. A quote that I love states that, “success comes when opportunity meets preparation.” So, if you desire to be married one day whether you are male or female ask yourself, have you really prepared yourself to have that which you want? Something to ponder. :-)
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