Being Open : )

If you haven't heard of this talented Christian rap artist, then consider yourself informed. I was recently introduced to his music after attending a Christian rap concert here in Chicago a couple weeks ago where Flame, Thi'sl and V. Rose performed. I must say that I found it hard initially to get into Christian rap, yet after being exposed to this music i'm hooked. This man is talented! I bought his most recent project called the "6th" and I am feeling it from start to finish. I love music that actually has something to say and his music does just that. Check out the video above; it will definitely give you a new perspective on Christian rap. Because of my willingness to be open I have found a new way to get a message and still bump my rap at the same time! This is our generation; enjoy!

P.S. the other day I was bumping this in my car and the man in the car next to me asked me who I was listening to. I told him, "Flame, he's a christian rap artist!" He went on to say that he was feeling what he heard and was going to check him out. Be open! ;-)

Intimacy Without Vulnerability?

A couple days ago I was watching Oprah's Life Class with Iyanla Vanzant. The topic of the show dealt with fatherless men and how it affects the relationships they have with others and their own children. Now, that topic in itself is a whole different topic and not what I will be touching on today. Yet, there was something that was stated to one of the men that really resonated with me that I had to speak on it. Iyanla was talking to one of the men about his lack of being able to connect with his daughter after being out of her life for so long. What she said was (and i'm paraphrasing of course), "There can be no intimacy where there is no vulnerability." This is very powerful and something that most people lack in understanding. Most people view intimacy on a very surface level and view it simply based on the physical level. Yet, intimacy goes beyond that and really has more to do with getting to a deeper level of knowing someone. Knowing the deep desires, hopes, dreams, concerns, etc of the people in your life. This is something I strive for and work to have within my close relationships. A quote taken from a book i'm currently reading states that, "Intimacy comes from "knowing" the other person at a deep level. If there are barriers to honesty, knowing is ruled out and the false takes over." Connection is loss or not there to begin with when someone fears being vulnerable; when they feel that they cannot be themselves or express their feelings without judgment/ridicule. The ability to be vulnerable comes when there is room and freedom to do so with the people or person in your life. This is something that I work to give the people in my life; the freedom and space to be vulnerable...to be themselves completely without judgment. This ability to give room for others to be vulnerable comes from me being vulnerable myself; taking the time to grow, reflect and to be honest with myself in where I am. I've come to notice that a lot of people feel as though they give this to the people in their life, when in reality they lack the ability to be honest with themselves. I mean how can others be vulnerable with you when your barely honest with yourself? Intimacy starts with us knowing ourselves...sense of self FIRST and this is something that many of us feel we have, but in reality lack. Many of us view ourselves and who we are on a very surface level and through life experiences and/or challenges we have created our own barriers and stop being vulnerable ourselves. We live in falsehood and it takes over and consumes the relationships we have. We then are intimate with the people in our life on a surface level never really being able to connect...never really knowing them on a deep level. A barrier is created and no one is being honest with themselves or each other. This is what I work hard to avoid...to avoid having surface level relationships. In my mission to maturation I work hard at knowing myself on a deep level so that it shows through to the people in my life and they are given the ability feel safe to be themselves and vulnerable. Knowing yourself on a deep level means that you are constantly in a place of self inventory; checking your emotions and tapping into your own desires, hopes, dreams, concerns, etc. The key thing we must all understand is this; for there to be growth in any relationship it is imperative that both parties feel comfortable sharing with each other their deepest feelings, needs, hurts, desires, failures, or whatever else is in their soul. This is true intimacy and again can only exist when there is room given for this to happen; when others feel safe to do so. To have true intimacy we must be vulnerable; it is my hope that this will encourage someone to reflect and examine where they are currently in having true intimacy in their relationships. Can you say that you are providing a safe place for the people in your life to be vulnerable with you?

Something to ponder...

Lady Victory!

I came across this video a week ago and have been meaning to share it; it really touched me. In a mission to maturation it is important that we are constantly in a place of reflecting, forgiveness and healing. Though this was not my fate; there a many women in our lives that have been victims of this type of abuse and it's important to encourage them to face it and forgive those who hurt them. The greatest gift we can give ourselves is forgiveness. It frees us from the bondage of those who caused the hurt and allows us to make a choice. Many of these types of stories go untold and it is my hope that in watching this video it will encourage the women who have experienced this type of hurt to tell their stories and give themselves the gift of forgiving those who hurt them. As I look forward to being a mother one day I take heed and understand that it will be my duty to listen and pay attention to my children. Be concerned about who they are around and work to protect them with all my being. This is very real and something that happens to children everyday. If you know someone who has been a victim of child abuse share this video with them. And if you have been a victim yourself, be encouraged and know that through forgiveness you can take a step in the direction of healing!

Stay on your mission to maturation! : )

Awesome Video!

Happy Tuesday! Thought I would share this awesome video of Joe from ChaseGodtv on YouTube. I love to see those who can openly share their talents. Enjoy the video, stay encouraged and on your mission to maturation! :-)

Ahh The Scorned Female...

Today's post was sparked after reading a blog post on Hello Beautiful about a college female who took to FaceBook to air her business about her man cheating on her and how low down he is. What I cannot seem to understand is what about this course of action benefits her? How and in what way is this justifiable? I mean if this man wanted any ounce of justification for his actions she definitely gave it to him after posting what she did on FaceBook. You can check out her post below:

Scorned Dartmouth Student Pens Crazy Breakup Letter On Facebook Cites the Bible

Ladies, WE HAVE TO DO BETTER! This is another example of wasted energy and only served to make the writer look foolish and scorned. All throughout her "letter" she reiterated all the things that he did that makes him low down, etc, yet, she still continued to be with him through it all. Interestingly, whatever drove her to this point of writing this on FB was only in the making...I mean we ALL as women  have seen the RED FLAGS yet continued to remain in denial and then turn around and want to call men low down, etc. Now, I am not  by any means condoning any of what he did...yet as women we have to take more responsibility for what we can control in each situation and that is US. She had control over seeing these things early on and making the choice to leave then. As women we need to reflect on ourselves and start to realize that there are things within us (insecurities) that attract certain men; the types that are able to read these insecurities. We attract them through the things we choose not to deal with...those things within us that say, "hey, even if you dog me out i'm not going anywhere because there is something in me that tells me that I cannot leave."

My brother sent me the quote above awhile ago and I have to agree that it is so true..."It is a man's job to respect a woman, but it's a woman's job to give him something to respect." This is something that is HUGE and is definitely missed in our generation of women. A lot of women walk around in delusion thinking that respect is owed to them and not earned. In general, we all have to possess things that people can respect, yet as women we also need to display those things to earn a man's respect. Nothing in what she posted was that of a woman that should be respected and could be in direct correlation to why things happened the way they did. The people in our lives reflect back to us who we are mentally and emotionally at different points and based on all the things she stated in her post...what happened is only a reflection of where her mind is currently in this stage of her life. EVEN so, her current mind state was definitely shown in her profane rant followed by a thrown-in Bible verse at the end, but I digress. As a woman who myself has not always made the best choices or used tact in every situation it is my hope that other women who read this will start to reflect and get beyond this petty way of responding to hurt. It serves no constructive purpose and only does more damage to the person who is hurt that the person(s) who caused the hurt. We have to find more productive ways of coping with being hurt (other than projecting this hurt on FB/social media outlets) and spend more of that energy reflecting on what is inside of us that condoned it in the first place. I mean think about it...why are you wasting energy on someone who probably is not even thinking about you? Something to ponder...

Manology?!

Recently I finished reading Manology written by Tyrese Gibson and Reverend Run. It was a quick and a simple read, which allowed me to finish it pretty quickly. Overall I thought that the book was a good read and would have to say that all women should read it. As I mentioned in a different post, I believe that gaining the perspective of males is key and very valuable to women when it comes to relationships and working to understand men. In this book I felt they did a great job in explaining their perspectives of which are that of two males in two different places in their lives. Tyrese gave the perspective of a male who is currently in a committed relationship, but was not always a fan of commitment. Rev gave a perspective of a male who is married and has his own family and shared the ways he works to remain successful in his position as husband/father. I really liked that aspect of the book and I felt that all women can relate in some way. Any woman reading this book can see themselves in it no matter where they find themselves circumstantially. They were very raw in their advice and perspectives (especially Tyrese) which is also a key component of the book. I truly believe that books that remain transparent are easier to connect with and people can truly see themselves in the experiences of the writers. If you were thinking about purchasing this book and reading it, I would recommend that you go out and buy it. This book is definitely a must read!

Quality Friendships!

As I get older I find myself reflecting more and more...thinking about my daily interactions with the people around me and in my life. One thing that I reflect on the most would have to be my relationships with others and the friendships i've been able to cultivate so far. I reflect often on the role i've either played in the end of some or the longevity of others. It's interesting how we view some friendships and/or relationships...for the most part being hopeful and thinking that they will last forever. I remember senior year in high school and all the people I had sign my yearbook...from time to time I go back and read some of the entries and think back to how at that time we thought we would always be close friends sharing life's journey together. Only to realize how far from the truth we were in thinking this and how i've outgrown many of the friends i've had over the years.  How many of us have lacked the effort needed to sustain the friendships that were worth holding onto? How many of us hold onto friendships past their intended seasons?

I often wonder about the friendships that i've allowed to wane and dissipate. I reflect and wonder if did my part in trying to sustain it or did I let some of them go prematurely not seeing my own lack of effort. Something I say all the time is that everything in this life takes work...at least anything that is worth keeping. A long lasting and healthy friendship takes WORK and in most cases will take more work on your end at different points. It takes being consistent and showing the other person that which you want from them. Something that many of us fail to realize is that most people can only give to you what they have been taught to give when it comes to friendships. One thing that i've learned from the success I have in my close friendships/relationships is that it's up to us to be that which we want out of a particular friendship. So if you want a friend or a person in your life that you can depend on...you have to be dependable yourself. If you want someone that you can trust, then you have to be trustworthy yourself. If you want someone who you can lean on when things get hard, then you have to be just that in the times that you may not want to or need to lean on them yourself. If you want someone in your life that will always be honest with you, then you have to be honest with them (even when it seems difficult to do so). Truly, the best friends you will have are those who will tell you the truth no matter what. Furthermore, It's about being consistent...even in the times you don't feel like it. It's about being selfless in the times that you want to be selfish and think of your own needs. I constantly work to be the friend that I want from others in my life and I have seen the fruit from it. But, what about the ones we've given our all too and they still come to an end or don't work out? What are you left to do and think then? We take the lessons from those friendships that have ended and use what we've learned to be better in the ones that we find to be successful. We take those ended friendships for what they brought us in that period of our life and move forward. Too many times we hold onto friendships/people that have run their course...the ones that served their purpose in our lives for where we were mentally and emotionally at that time. Some friends and/or people we truly outgrow and there is nothing wrong with that....it's a part of life. We just need to examine and know when to let certain friends go. It does not mean we don't care about them and want to see them do well; it just means that our seasons have changed. We have to realize that in holding onto these friendships past their intended time only stunts growth for both parties. And, if you truly care about their well being you wouldn't want that for them.

I know that I mainly discussed friendships in today's post, yet it is my hope that this helps everyone to reflect on their relationships as well. Are you providing to your friendships/relationships what you want to see from those individuals? Have you shown them what you expect in a friend through your actions and not just your words? In our effort to be better people and friends we must be in a constant place of reflecting and striving to do that which we say we want from others. As I end my post for today i'll leave you with this quote: "As you grow, the number of friends doesn't matter. What matters is the number of TRUE friends you have." - Unknown